


My love, I will not say goodbye

by HopeSilverheart



Series: Loving Em at 2AM [23]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, BAMF Lydia Branwell, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Getting Together, Girls in Love, Hurt Isabelle Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mutual Pining, Organized Crime, Recovery, mentions of guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24707785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeSilverheart/pseuds/HopeSilverheart
Summary: When the words had slipped past his lips, a weak ‘Izzy’s injured’, Lydia’s heart had stopped. So much for keeping her feelings separate from everything else. So much for not letting love get in the way of logic.As soon as he spoke, she was standing up and rushing out of the room, Alec leading the way to his apartment.Or: Sometimes, it takes a near-death experience for feelings to come to light.
Relationships: Lydia Branwell/Isabelle Lightwood
Series: Loving Em at 2AM [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764400
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	My love, I will not say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatnerdemryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemryn/gifts).



It was no secret to everyone in the Lightwood organisation that Isabelle and Lydia hated each other. Everyone knew they competed for Alec’s attention and praise, fought like it was the most natural thing in the world, and insulted each other as often as possible.

It was the way things were, or at least the way they _thought_ things were. Lydia and Isabelle had been working on their cover since they first met. They had hidden the sexual tension behind arguments, had disguised their secret encounters as mission reports, and had shoved any mention of feelings underneath a pile of nonsense and petty disputes.

They knew each other’s secrets better than they knew anyone else’s. They trusted each other in spite of everything, and they had each other’s backs even when everyone else thought they were at the other’s neck.

There was, however, one secret that Lydia had kept from Isabelle. One thing, just one tiny detail that she hadn’t worked up the courage to say yet. For the first time in her life, Lydia was afraid of something, and she didn’t know whether she would ever be able to gather up the courage to tell Isabelle about her darkest secret.

Or perhaps it was her lightest secret. Either way, she didn’t think she would ever manage to go up to her partner, her lover, her rival, and admit that she loves her.

It was one thing to have sex and mess around behind closed doors, but it was a whole other thing to have true feelings that could end in heartbreak. Lydia had promised herself she would never fall in love with anyone, and then she had betrayed herself. Her heart had betrayed her, and she hadn’t done anything to stop it.

So she kept it all a secret from Isabelle, not wanting her princess to find out and cut ties quicker than Lydia could ask her to listen. It was terrifying to know there was someone out there who held her heart between her hands and didn’t even know about it, but Lydia couldn’t take it back. She had tried – oh she had _tried_ – but she couldn’t. She had been weak for Isabelle from the very start, and things had only gotten worse with time.

She had been so determined to keep it hidden, to bury it behind layers of innuendos and impassiveness and work. And for a few months, it had worked. Isabelle hadn’t suspected anything, and they had continued sleeping with each other and flirting when no one was looking whilst simultaneously arguing whenever someone was around.

And then Isabelle got shot.

Lydia had been taking care of paperwork when Alec burst into her office with a panicked look in his eyes. Now, Lydia knew Alec better than almost anyone else did. He was her boss and best friend, and she had never seen him look so dishevelled before, not even when an entire team had gone missing.

When the words had slipped past his lips, a weak ‘ _Izzy’s injured_ ’, Lydia’s heart had stopped. So much for keeping her feelings separate from everything else. So much for not letting love get in the way of logic.

As soon as he spoke, she was standing up and rushing out of the room, Alec leading the way to his apartment. They had an infirmary, but it made sense for her boss to want Isabelle in the safest place possible. She was his sister, after all, and Lydia knew how much his family meant to him.

She only took a second to shudder at the thought of Magnus getting injured. If that ever happened, she wasn’t sure the world would make it out in one piece.

“Alec,” she called out, lengthening her strides in an effort to keep up with her friend. “Alec, how bad is it?”

She knew the answer already, had guessed from the look in Alec’s eyes and the tension in the air, but she needed to hear it said out loud. She needed confirmation, or maybe reassurance. She needed to be told Isabelle was alive, at the very least.

“She’s alive, but the bullet hit her in the abdomen and she’s not doing well at all,” Alec murmured. “Magnus and Catarina are with her right now, doing everything in their power to save her, but it’s bad. It’s so, so bad, Lydia, and I know- I know you care about her, and you deserve to be there for her in case things go south. You deserve to be there for her even if she survives.”

Lydia frowned, turning Alec’s words over in her head several times as she tried to understand what her boss was implying. When it hit her, her steps faltered and her breath hitched. He knew. Alec knew about hers and Izzy’s relationship, and apparently about her feelings, too.

“How long have you known?” They had stopped in front of Alec’s apartment building, and Lydia took a second to catch her breath as she waited for her friend to answer her question.

“A long time,” he finally replied, voice soft and sympathetic. “You two aren’t as subtle as you seem to think you are. Besides, it’s my job to read people and make sure I know everything about my subordinates. You look at Izzy the same way I used to look at Magnus, back when our relationship was new and uncertain. She may not know about your feelings yet, but I’m your best friend and superior. You love her, Lydia, and I think she loves you too.”

The words sent a pang of longing through her chest, and Lydia felt her eyes flood with tears at the mere thought of requited love. How could Alec drop a bomb like that on her when Isabelle was suffering in his apartment, probably bleeding out as they spoke? How dare he make her hope for more when she might have been about to lose everything?

She didn’t say anything as they walked into the building and raced up the stairs, both eager to see their Isabelle again. Once she reached Alec and Magnus’ door, Lydia hesitated. Her hand lingered on the handle for a few seconds before she finally worked up the courage to open it and walk into what might turn out to be a nightmare.

Isabelle _had_ to make it out alive. Lydia wouldn’t accept anything less than life for her princess.

“She’s in our bedroom.”

Lydia didn’t wait for Alec to say anything else, already rushing towards the bedroom on unsteady legs. Her fingers were trembling and she knew she probably looked awful, but not even the thought of Catarina and Magnus was enough to stop her in her search for Isabelle.

If they couldn’t handle a little bit of heartbreak and misery, they were welcome to leave. Lydia didn’t have the time to make herself presentable.

She burst into the bedroom, panting and crying and feeling worse than she ever had before. Right there, laying on white silk and cotton, lay Isabelle. Her skin was ashy and paler than usual, her limbs limp, and blood seeped from her abdomen.

Catarina was leaning over her, obviously hard at work, but Lydia couldn’t see anything other than the blood. In her line of work, it was impossible to be squeamish. She hadn’t been bothered by the sight of blood and injuries and death in a very long time. Frankly, she hadn’t imagined she would ever be bothered by it again.

However, staring at her sleeping princess – the woman she loved – and seeing her bleed out was enough to make Lydia nauseous. She covered her mouth with one of her hands, not knowing whether she was trying to stop herself from throwing up, sobbing, or both. Probably both.

“Lydia…”

Magnus had stepped closer to her whilst she wasn’t looking, and Lydia didn’t have the strength to push him away when he wrapped her into a tight hug. Instead, she clung to his shirt and cried her heart out onto his shoulder, barely sparing a thought for his expensive clothes.

She didn’t know how long she stayed there, sobbing and feeling and breaking over and over again, wanting to wake up from this horrible nightmare. She vaguely registered Alec and Catarina talking in the back ground, hushed whispers that grated at her heart and made her want to pull them away from Isabelle.

“Lydia, hey, it’s going to be okay,” Magnus whispered into her ear. “Catarina is doing everything she can to save her, and she won’t stop until she’s alright again. We’re not going to give up on her, Lydia. Isabelle has so much left to do in this world, and we’re not about the let her die yet.”

“She can’t-” Lydia murmured wetly. “I can’t lose her, Magnus. I can’t- I’m not sure I can live without her. If she dies…”

“I know,” Magnus shushed her, carding his fingers through her hair. Lydia and he weren’t especially close, but she appreciated his efforts to make her feel better. Alec wasn’t the best at cuddles and feelings, so Magnus’ presence meant more to her than she could say. “I understand, Lydia, I really do. But for now, you can’t lose hope. She’s alive, and she’s fighting. Isabelle is one of the strongest people I know, and she’s not going to leave you behind.”

“But what if she’s not strong enough to fight this bullet, huh?” Lydia muttered brokenly. “What if someone finally managed to- Wait, Magnus, who did this? Who hurt her?”

Alec’s fiancé pulled away from her, grimacing and turning towards Alec. Obviously, Lydia’s boss was the one who had all the answers, which made sense considering he was probably the one who sent Isabelle on the mission in the first place. Lydia determinedly ignored the hatred that bubbled underneath her skin at the thought.

It wasn’t Alec’s fault, and she couldn’t blame him for someone else’s actions. Getting shot was part of the job; Isabelle had just been hurt a little more than usual. It wasn’t like Lydia and Alec hadn’t been shot plenty of times in the past. It was just that it had never been Isabelle’s life on the line before.

“I’m sorry, Lyds,” Alec said quietly. “It was a standard mission, a one-hit kind of thing that should have lasted less than half an hour. Camille Belcourt is known to be ruthless, but we were promised she would be alone. Turns out she wasn’t, and Isabelle got caught in the crossfire of some gang war.”

Immediately, Lydia’s face hardened. She had heard all about Camille Belcourt, leader of one of New York City’s biggest gangs and a merciless killer who cares very little for innocent lives. She had been on their radar for months, and Lydia couldn’t believe Alec had sent Isabelle out there without any back-up.

“Why wasn’t I asked to come along? You know what Belcourt is like, Alec,” she hissed. “As Isabelle’s partner, I should have been there.”

“You’re not her partner, Lydia, even though I _do_ tend to send the two of you on missions together,” Alec answered, switching from friend to fearless boss in less than a second. “And I didn’t send her out there alone, Lydia. I was with her the entire time. The only reason she’s lying on that bed instead of me is because Belcourt’s lackies have terrible aim. So blame me if you want to, but don’t even think about questioning my ability to lead. I made the right call and we both know it.”

Alec walked out of the room, Magnus right behind him, before Lydia could say anything else. It was clear neither of them was up for an argument right now, not that Lydia could blame them. Blaming each other wasn’t going to amount to anything, not when Isabelle was lying in a pool of her own blood a few feet away from them.

She didn’t go chasing after the couple, deciding to stay next to Isabelle instead. Catarina was still frowning heavily, bent over Isabelle and clearly hard at work. Not wanting to interrupt her, Lydia settled for grabbing the brunette’s hand and rubbing soothing circles on the back of it.

“Hey princess,” she whispered. “I can’t believe you let yourself get shot before you could steal my position. And here I thought you were finally living up to my expectations. Don’t disappoint me, Isabelle, I need to see you overthrow me someday. Or we could be two second-in-commands. I’m sure Alec would be fine with that; you’d just have to pull out your puppy eyes and remind him you took a bullet for him. Just please, please come back to me.”

Time seemed to pass even slower than usual. Lydia stayed there for hours, holding onto Isabelle and praying to every god out there, begging them to keep her love alive for a while longer. Alec and Magnus came in and out of the room, forcing her to drink something and have three bites of food but other than that, she didn’t move.

Catarina left the bedroom two hours after Lydia arrived and, after that, it was a waiting game. Lydia stared blankly at the blood in front of her, her brain not really understanding what it meant even as she gazed at Isabelle’s lifeless features.

Finally, once the sun was beginning to rise, the brunette’s eyes blinked open and a groan slipped past her lips. Lydia perked up instantly, her hands flutter over Isabelle’s body helplessly.

“Isabelle, princess, can you hear me?” She breathed out as gently as possible. When Isabelle tried to sit up, she pushed her down, keeping her hands on the brunette’s shoulders to make her understand she shouldn’t try to get up. “You can’t move right now, princess. You were shot, remember? Pretty bad wound, unfortunately. It’ll probably scar badly and I don’t want you to make things worse by moving too soon. You’ll only be put off duty for even longer than what Alec has currently planned, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want that.”

Isabelle huffed discontentedly, wincing as she accidentally shifted in the process.

“As if I’ll let him put me on bed rest for more than a week,” she told Lydia, her voice hoarse. Immediately, Lydia reached for her half-full glass of water and handed it to Isabelle. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, princess,” she murmured. “I’m just glad you’re alive, honestly. Don’t ever scare me like that again, you hear me? How am I supposed to keep on working without my favourite partner?”

“Oh blondie,” Isabelle chuckled weakly. “I didn’t know you cared. You should have been glad I wouldn’t be around to annoy you anymore.”

Suddenly, all the feelings Lydia had boarded up inside her heart were begging to be let out. How could Isabelle lay there, injured and barely recovered from a near-death experience, and tell Lydia she hadn’t known she cared? How could she say something so callous?

How could she not know what she meant to Lydia? And more importantly, why hadn’t Lydia made it clear that she cared about her more than she had ever cared about anyone?

“Of course I care about you,” she whispered, her voice cracking brokenly. “God, Isabelle, I- How do you not know? How have you not noticed? We spend almost all our free time together, we’re a superb team, we have fantastic sex, and we- Goddamnit, Isabelle, we’re so much more than partners, and you know it.”

“Do I?”

And that was the question, wasn’t it? Did Isabelle know about her feelings, or was she as clueless as she appeared to be? For Lydia’s sake, she hoped it was the latter. At least then, there was a chance her love wouldn’t end in heartache.

“For fuck’s sake, Isabelle,” she cursed under her breath, taking both of Isabelle’s hands in her own. “I love you, you stubborn and self-sacrificing princess. Yes, I may have hated you at first, but you can’t deny there’s always been something between us. Is it that hard to believe that I fell in love with you along the way?”

“I-” Isabelle gaped at her, eyes wide and lips parted. “It isn’t, but I- Alec told me my feelings weren’t- That there was a chance you loved me back, but- Damn it, Lydia, why is it that you’re the only person who can make me speechless?”

“Because I’m just that special?” Lydia suggested, laughing wetly and reaching for Isabelle’s face with one of her hands. Lydia let her fingers trail over Isabelle’s cheek gently, relishing in the feeling of the woman she loved, alive and relatively well.

“I’m serious, Lydia,” Isabelle whispered. “I love you too. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. And if you thought I was going to leave you before I got the chance to tell you how I felt, you were dreaming. You deserve to know how much I care about you, love.”

Lydia shook her head disbelievingly, tears streaming down her face. Before she could talk herself out of it, she leaned forward and kissed Isabelle gently. They had shared many kisses over the last year, but none as soft as this one. They both poured all their love and relief into a single kiss, their lips brushing together a few times. It wasn’t long before they were both smiling into it, giggling slightly as they pulled apart.

“Thank you for living, princess.”

“Thank _you_ for watching over me, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! Thank you so much for reading! As always, these fics aren't beta'ed so just ignore the mistakes I might have made x) I'm having so much fun writing this series, and especially the dynamic between Lydia and Isabelle, so I hope you're enjoying it too! 
> 
> Love, Junie. 
> 
> (find me on tumblr @hopesilverheart)


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